If I saw you in heaven


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Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand,

 and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts 

through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

 through whom we have now received reconciliation. 

Romans 5:2-5, 11
~

Just about four years ago (1,599 days) my sweet and smart 22 year old step-daughter, 

Ashley, passed away.



She slipped into a dark place

Perhaps we weren’t paying enough attention,
perhaps it was because her mother died when she was so young,
maybe it was her father’s fault, or maybe my fault,
maybe the fault lies with her grandmother,
Perhaps she fell into the wrong crowd

We will never know what could have saved her
But there is guilt enough to go around...

She was clean for 6 months and doing well again...

and then one day she slipped for the last time.



Dragonflies always make me think of her

And somehow they always seem to show up...

On the first anniversary of her passing while sitting in an indoor bus stop 

With nothing but concrete all around me,

A huge neon blue dragonfly knocked on the window just in front of 

where  I sat in tears waiting for my bus. 

Once while I was at an indoor swap shop one February, near the anniversary of her death,

A woman whose jewelry I was admiring pulled out a beautiful dragonfly necklace from underneath 

her counter and said, “You might like this.”



When I walked up the walk way to interview for my job last August

Dragonflies flew all around me...almost escorting me or dancing with me. 

And the funny thing is that I wasn’t even in the right place. 

I had gone to the other Montessori school in town by mistake.

After some confusion and then a bit of conversation, 

They offered me an interview.

I started on Ashley’s birthday.

It was as if she was telling me that we were both starting new adventures

And that I could let her go now. She was in safe hands. 

Ashley was not a believer for most of her life but during her last 6 months,

When she was clean and sober she got saved. 
~

A few months ago, my Uncle Jack died. He was 90 years old. 

He was one of the most deeply believing, spiritual people I have ever known. 

He was a strong man, a gentleman. He was kind and he took very good care of his family.



Earlier this week I thought to read the verses that fall on her birthday in my bible study. 

Romans 5:2-5, 11

When I opened my bible I saw that I had highlighted the verses previously.

And that next to them I had written Uncle Jack’s name.


It seemed to me a confirmation of the grace in which we stand. 












Comments

  1. How precious the truth of Heaven is for all of us missing ones we love so much!! There is a grand and glorious reunion coming one day soon!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your mentioning of how dragonflies remind you of her is so special! How beautiful that God sends us little sweet reminders of our loved ones that we miss! God bless you! :-)

    ReplyDelete

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