719 days

When you were a little girl

you used to leave messages in our shoes

one day a quarter and two nickels,

once an old happy meal toy

a button from your favorite shirt

I would put my shoes on at the door

and limp through the rows of mint

that over grew the bend in the walkway

there I would be -a spectacle to the neighbors

leaning on a post in the driveway with my shoes off

I've been missing you lately...

719 days since you left this world

The wild, untamed pain has gentled some

in these past two years

It's not spinning completely out of control like it used to

when I first found out 

that you had injected yourself with a drug 

that killed you

there are times I sense your presence like when you were alive

like when you were a girl leaving messages in our shoes

I wonder what I would say to you now

If I could put ink to paper

and if you had a shoe that I could leave it in...

(white Nikes with a black swish

that you cleaned every night with a wet paper towel -

'cause you loved them so much)

Come back

it would say, in neat little rows 

come back
come back
come back
come back
come back


  1. Oh, my friend, my heart leaped when i saw your link, then sank as i read your poem. I am so very sorry. You have lived our worst nightmare. Somehow you have survived. Those lines, come back, come back, come back.........heartbreaking....... My email has changed. I am in Tofino now. Email me, we'll talk. wildwomantwo@gmail.com

  2. The shoe may be invisible, but you have left a visible and heartfelt message.

  3. OH. Wow! This is the pebble in her shoe, this is a gift in mine to hear the loss, the grief, the memories, the love. You will touch so many with these words. Sadness and peace.

  4. I'm not sure who you are talking about here, but I'm so sorry your loved one left this world.


  5. So very sad, and utterly imparts every detail so it seems my own. The poem is itself a message; may the writing ease your heart a little.

  6. It's my story as it were. So heartbreaking.

  7. Heartbreaking. Your grief and loss beautifully expressed

  8. This is heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing your loss, your pain. I do my best to empathize. But I'm sure I don't know what it's like to walk in your shoes.

  9. Your words tore at my heart - I cannot imagine your pain. Loss is a terrible thing, and of a child, especially so.
    I send the the kindest of regards and loads of love and hugs.

  10. How sad...you write beautifully! We all feel your pain. I've gone back and read more of your blog and appreciate your writing!

  11. what a fascinating and coded messaging system .... and such a heartbreaking story .... so sensitively offered to us here ... what and those words .... come back come back are just so intense - a wish that crosses time and age

  12. Reading just now reminded me why I left a 'note to self' nudging me to stay In touch....come back now and them to visit a Blogger who's face I have never seen...voice I've I have never heard because the the writing just flat out grabs my attention...the simple, simple unpretentious words . Your writing style encourages and challenges me. ..I'll beback and try again - I must-it's been several months since I posted on my own blog & I'm trying to figure out why etc. Later


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Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you

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