28 August


thunder

They sat out on the porch and watched it roll in over the sea.

Thick, black, huge, menacing  clouds that left no doubt about what they were up to.

The entire island had settled and hushed in anticipation and the even the gulls on the beach had 

stopped squawking at one another.

The wind picked up and whipped the trees back in forth in front of them and the waves crashed so 

loudly they could almost feel the salty spray from the shelter of their perch on the porch.


And then came the thunder.





Comments

  1. Lisa Lynn29/08/2013, 07:58

    Makes me feel like I'm there! Love your writing! Thanks for visiting me on Little Homestead on the Hill :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brian Miller29/08/2013, 08:14

    nice....i love the power of a storm, to sit and watch it roll in...i bet they jumped a bit at the thunder...haha....smiles.

    ReplyDelete
  3. chateau chic29/08/2013, 08:34

    I feel like I'm sitting right there experiencing the calm before the storm. Beautiful!!
    Mary Alice

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wanda Psycho29/08/2013, 14:07

    That's wonderful! It's been so dry where I am that I would love to be in this moment.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nada Adel29/08/2013, 15:34

    I like the piece and the smooth description. I don't get why it's centre-aligned though. You had me stopping at places I shouldn't have. There are a couple of typos in there too.
    But overall, I liked it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. aspiritofsimplicity29/08/2013, 15:53

    Thank yo Nada Adel for taking the time to read and comment. You're right it is choppy written like that. Part of the reason is because I was hurrying this morning and didn't pre-read as I should have, part is because I was concentrating more on the 5 sentence thing and not so much on how thing flowed, and part is because I'm new at this and hoping to improve my writing. I appreciate the constructive criticism. I'm starting school again next week and I'm sure I'll hear much more of it. That's how one improves.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Victoria29/08/2013, 17:26

    To begin with, I love the title and thought behind your blog. This is a wonderful fiction piece that read to me like poetry. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Susan29/08/2013, 17:46

    Great story! Very evocative.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jazzbumpa29/08/2013, 19:20

    Ka-Boom!

    JzB

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kate C29/08/2013, 20:57

    I feel like I am there. Fantastic

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous29/08/2013, 22:56

    Enjoyed the visuals in this. I was there!
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/five-sentence-fiction-fsf-82813-storm-rated-pg13/

    ReplyDelete
  12. Unknown29/08/2013, 23:36

    The 'wide' and deep silence...

    The stillness, that eerie sense of impending "something", and then...

    The thrilling trembling of thunder!

    You made an exquisite poem that reach into our very inner feelings!

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous30/08/2013, 12:18

    Lovely, liked this a lot :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Melanie Cole30/08/2013, 12:28

    Very visually stimulating. Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Melanie Cole30/08/2013, 12:29

    Stunning. Loved the visuals!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Rain01/09/2013, 05:54

    You managed to transport me there; great job. What's more, I LOVE the line "And then came the thunder."

    / Rain

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous01/09/2013, 14:35

    I felt this, and I almost could see and hear it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dobson03/09/2013, 10:59

    I love watching storms and this scene looks so inviting to me. I know it seems backward to say, but it is the love of nature's power.

    ReplyDelete

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Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you

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