28 August


thunder

They sat out on the porch and watched it roll in over the sea.

Thick, black, huge, menacing  clouds that left no doubt about what they were up to.

The entire island had settled and hushed in anticipation and the even the gulls on the beach had 

stopped squawking at one another.

The wind picked up and whipped the trees back in forth in front of them and the waves crashed so 

loudly they could almost feel the salty spray from the shelter of their perch on the porch.


And then came the thunder.





Comments

  1. Lisa Lynn29 August 2013 at 07:58

    Makes me feel like I'm there! Love your writing! Thanks for visiting me on Little Homestead on the Hill :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brian Miller29 August 2013 at 08:14

    nice....i love the power of a storm, to sit and watch it roll in...i bet they jumped a bit at the thunder...haha....smiles.

    ReplyDelete
  3. chateau chic29 August 2013 at 08:34

    I feel like I'm sitting right there experiencing the calm before the storm. Beautiful!!
    Mary Alice

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wanda Psycho29 August 2013 at 14:07

    That's wonderful! It's been so dry where I am that I would love to be in this moment.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nada Adel29 August 2013 at 15:34

    I like the piece and the smooth description. I don't get why it's centre-aligned though. You had me stopping at places I shouldn't have. There are a couple of typos in there too.
    But overall, I liked it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. aspiritofsimplicity29 August 2013 at 15:53

    Thank yo Nada Adel for taking the time to read and comment. You're right it is choppy written like that. Part of the reason is because I was hurrying this morning and didn't pre-read as I should have, part is because I was concentrating more on the 5 sentence thing and not so much on how thing flowed, and part is because I'm new at this and hoping to improve my writing. I appreciate the constructive criticism. I'm starting school again next week and I'm sure I'll hear much more of it. That's how one improves.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Victoria29 August 2013 at 17:26

    To begin with, I love the title and thought behind your blog. This is a wonderful fiction piece that read to me like poetry. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Susan29 August 2013 at 17:46

    Great story! Very evocative.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jazzbumpa29 August 2013 at 19:20

    Ka-Boom!

    JzB

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kate C29 August 2013 at 20:57

    I feel like I am there. Fantastic

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous29 August 2013 at 22:56

    Enjoyed the visuals in this. I was there!
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/five-sentence-fiction-fsf-82813-storm-rated-pg13/

    ReplyDelete
  12. Unknown29 August 2013 at 23:36

    The 'wide' and deep silence...

    The stillness, that eerie sense of impending "something", and then...

    The thrilling trembling of thunder!

    You made an exquisite poem that reach into our very inner feelings!

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous30 August 2013 at 12:18

    Lovely, liked this a lot :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Melanie Cole30 August 2013 at 12:28

    Very visually stimulating. Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Melanie Cole30 August 2013 at 12:29

    Stunning. Loved the visuals!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Rain1 September 2013 at 05:54

    You managed to transport me there; great job. What's more, I LOVE the line "And then came the thunder."

    / Rain

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous1 September 2013 at 14:35

    I felt this, and I almost could see and hear it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dobson3 September 2013 at 10:59

    I love watching storms and this scene looks so inviting to me. I know it seems backward to say, but it is the love of nature's power.

    ReplyDelete

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Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you

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