In my mother's garden
I grew up in this little town of Marblehead, MA.
It's the kind of a place that claims a spot in your soul and you carry it with you where ever you go.
My husband grew up here as well and we live in a second floor apartment above the first floor apartment where my mum lived up until her death on 27 June of this year.
Every where I go she is with me. This is a blessing and curse...or neither.
Perhaps it is just simply the way of things when one loses their parents.
I am beginning to see a light on the path ahead of me.
A tiny flickering flame dancing with the sorrow in my heart.
The bible tells me that God hears me even when I cannot put my thoughts or feelings into words...even if I can only moan or cry out my prayers, God hears me and understands.
Where there was only darkness and sadness now there is just enough light for me to make out a few words on this page, in this chapter of my life.
The words I am reading say that it can be time for me to become who I am. To claim the parts of my soul that are scattered about, to gather all the tiny flickering lights into one light.
My mum gave me both roots and wings
and now it is time for me to steer my own ship in my own harbour.
I will forever and ever be thankful for all the gifts that my mother left with me.
Now I see a tiny flickering light around a bend that tells me it's okay to let her go. I don't have to carry her whole being around with me everywhere I go. She won't get lost. She will be all right.
And so will I.
~ ~ ~