on the eve of Thanksgiving
T is for....
Turkey
I enter into this season of Thanksgiving
I feel burdened and heavy
this is the first time we will face these holidays
without my step daughter who died in February.
All that sadness slips away from me in my day to day life
then in an instant I remember
and I find myself in tears.
I stumble across a picture of her around a turkey
and I'm on my knees in the living room
everything slowing to a grinding halt
because....
it takes me a bit to get back up again and through the sorrow
knowing that she will never be in another Thanksgiving day photo
never eat her favorite food,
never reach for a second piece of pie
Always, always, always be an empty place
I know I have so very much to be thankful for.
and yet
I struggle with how to lay the sadness down and let it go
I need a soft wood with pines and yellow leaved birches
old oaks dropping acorns in the mossy undergrowth
I need a sweet hymn sung quietly
the feel of a beautiful baby boy in my arms
and his mother and father looking on
and his aunt
I need the sound of the Atlantic crashing against the shore
and a November wind through leafless trees
My mum always has a sort of misfit Thanksgiving
Some family and some friends
People we've known since I was born and some years new friends we've only just met
If you don't have a place to go this year kind of a table
I need that kind of love
a crazy kind of love
I need turkey and stuffing and creamed onions
turnip the way my nana used to make it -with a piece of bacon in the boiling water
my own pumpkin/squash pie -because I make them the best
I need looking around a table filled with all kinds of people
I need a crazy turkey kind of love
Oh, what a beautiful post. I'm sorry for your loss. Grief comes sometimes unexpectedly, and we need to acknowledge it. There is a kind of tension held between the grief and the joy. This will be my first Thanksgiving without my mother. She died back in April. May you find blessing and joy amidst the pain and may God be with you! I'm your neighbor at #CoffeeforYourHeart.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteSuch an endearing post ~ lots of distant reiki healing hugs for you and your family ~ may you a gentle and loving Thanksgiving despite your loss ~ it is not easy to grief and live life simultaneously ~ xox
ReplyDeleteA great tribute to loving your daughter! Grieving is difficult and it takes at least two years, so give yourself some grace:) My thanksgiving wish for you that you will be able to turn back to life and love some others who need it. You will never forget her, and her place will remain empty, but she would not want you to mourn for the rest of your life:) Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteHolidays are tough in dealing with loss. best wishes to you.
ReplyDeleteROG, ABCW
I can imagine that sadness colours this thanksgiving but on the other hand I do wish you, and hope for you, that gratitude and love have the upper hand!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice ABC-day / - Week
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