on the eve of Thanksgiving


T is for....

Turkey




 

I enter into this season of Thanksgiving

I feel burdened and heavy


this is the first time we will face these holidays 

without my step daughter who died in February.

All that sadness slips away from me in my day to day life

 then in an instant I remember

and I find myself in tears.

I stumble across a picture of her around a turkey

and I'm on my knees in the living room 

everything slowing to a grinding halt

because....

it takes me a bit to get back up again and through the sorrow 

 knowing that she will never be in another Thanksgiving day photo

never eat her favorite food,

never reach for a second piece of pie

Always, always, always be an empty place



 I know I have so very much to be thankful for.


and yet

I struggle with how to lay the sadness down and let it go


I need a soft wood with pines and yellow leaved birches

 old oaks dropping acorns in the mossy undergrowth

I need a sweet hymn sung quietly

the feel of a beautiful baby boy in my arms

and his mother and father looking on 

and his aunt

I need the sound of the Atlantic crashing against the shore 

and a November wind through leafless trees



My mum always has a sort of misfit Thanksgiving

Some family and some friends 

People we've known since I was born and some years new friends we've only just met

If you don't have a place to go this year kind of a table

I need that kind of love

a crazy kind of love

I need turkey and stuffing and creamed onions 

turnip the way my nana used to make it -with a piece of bacon in the boiling water

 my own pumpkin/squash pie -because I make them the best

I need looking around a table filled with all kinds of people

I need a crazy turkey kind of love





Comments

  1. Gayl Wright23 November 2016 at 19:00

    Oh, what a beautiful post. I'm sorry for your loss. Grief comes sometimes unexpectedly, and we need to acknowledge it. There is a kind of tension held between the grief and the joy. This will be my first Thanksgiving without my mother. She died back in April. May you find blessing and joy amidst the pain and may God be with you! I'm your neighbor at #CoffeeforYourHeart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. photowannabe23 November 2016 at 20:48

    (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  3. carol l mckenna23 November 2016 at 20:49

    Such an endearing post ~ lots of distant reiki healing hugs for you and your family ~ may you a gentle and loving Thanksgiving despite your loss ~ it is not easy to grief and live life simultaneously ~ xox

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous23 November 2016 at 22:25

    A great tribute to loving your daughter! Grieving is difficult and it takes at least two years, so give yourself some grace:) My thanksgiving wish for you that you will be able to turn back to life and love some others who need it. You will never forget her, and her place will remain empty, but she would not want you to mourn for the rest of your life:) Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Roger Owen Green24 November 2016 at 07:02

    Holidays are tough in dealing with loss. best wishes to you.

    ROG, ABCW

    ReplyDelete
  6. Melody24 November 2016 at 08:47

    I can imagine that sadness colours this thanksgiving but on the other hand I do wish you, and hope for you, that gratitude and love have the upper hand!

    Have a nice ABC-day / - Week
    ♫ M e l ☺ d y ♫ (abc-team)
    http://melodymusic.nl/a-b-c-wednesday-19-t/

    ReplyDelete

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