14 August
edit to elevate
in the whirlwind of life
unafraid of swirling current
tossed into air
with open arms
she gives herself over
to the winnowing
and lets the chaff fall where it will
I wrote the post before this one earlier in the day and before I saw the prompt for Poets United.
I think they go together rather well so I revisited my earlier words and severely edited to get more
rhythmic and succinct words
feel free to critique if you would like.
I think this is perfectly penned. And a person who wrote about pudding (me) would not dare to critique such a gem! smiles.
ReplyDeleteI love the spareness of this compared with the lushness of the original. (Both have a place in poetry) you pared your poem down to the essentials, making a powerful statement! :)
ReplyDeleteI much prefer this edited version. It says so much yet with fewer words. Nice writing. :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree. You have edited it beautifully.
ReplyDelete...this is brilliant & a sheer delight to read... and ye know i can easily breathe every words you layered here... loved it... smiles...
ReplyDeleteI liked this
ReplyDelete